In 2009 I met the love of my life (or so I thought) and 2 months later we were married. Within our first week of marriage he had a knife up to my throat and threatened to kill me if I didn't stop crying. I never imagined that this one incident would be the beginning of daily physical, emotional and mental abuse and yet it was! Even when I became pregnant with our first child the abuse continued. The night before our son was born he physically abused me until well after 6am. I had gotten no sleep and had no energy to give birth. Once our son was born I was happy and relieved that he was Ok! Unfortunately having our son didn't fix or stop anything as I had imagined or hoped it would. Instead things only progressed and our son was forced to watch. It wasn't enough for him to lay his hands on me or to diminish me with his words but he also slept with multiple women and got one pregnant that I know of. When I became pregnant with our second, I miscarried because he threw my body into a wall and punched me in my stomach and then all over my body. A week and a half later I found out I was still pregnant, it would appear that I had miscarried our daughters twin. I lived my life in fear, secluded, humiliated, embarrassed and always doing all I could to cover up the bruises so no one would know what I was going through. It wasn't until one night while I was 26 weeks pregnant that he was sitting on my stomach with his hands around my throat while he was yelling "your lucky your pregnant because if you weren't I would kill you right now" he said/did this to me while our son watched and cried for me from his crib. I was able to get ahold of my phone and I called the cops. He was arrested and I was taken to the hospital in early labor. Thankfully the doctors and nurses were able to stop the contractions but i was 3cm dilated and I walked around like that until she was born at 37 weeks healthy. Now that news of the abuse was out within my family there was no way I could look them in the eye, I could no longer hide and lie to them and worst of all every time I looked at myself I cried. How had things gotten so bad. Couldn't I see that I deserved better? When our daughter was 5 months old I packed up out belongings as much as I could and I left with our two kids. I filed for divorce and I was granted full custody and he has no visitation. It was not an easy decision for me to come to, to file for divorce. I really struggled with it and I asked God to send me a confirmation that I was doing the right thing and that night my best friend texted me that she had been sleeping with my then husband for the entire time that we were married. So not only had I lost my husband, my dream but now I lost my best friend too when I needed her the most. As if I wasn't going through an already BIG change as a single mother of two children; I learned at 4 months along that I was pregnant with our third child (our divorce wasn't finalized yet) I cried for weeks and wondered how in the world I was going to raise 3 children on my own. In case you haven't figured it out yet; I was raped multiple times by my husband and none of my pregnancies were planned. With each pregnancy he accused me of cheating! Not once did I ever although he gave me every reason in the book to. There were a lot of nights after the abuse that I would sit in a corner and quietly sing "I need you Jesus to come to my rescue tell me where else can I go?" I honestly believed that God just didn't care because no matter how hard I prayed or sang my heart out nothing changed! It wasn't until my divorce was finalized in 2012 and our son was born that I realized HE did care. We were safe and we were alive and healthy. We survived!! Through all those dark hours in my life God still blessed me with 3 beautiful and healthy children. I thank him everyday for ALL he has done for us. He NEVER left us. Three years later a single mother of 3 and my confidence is back, I am strong, we are all healthy and happy, delivered and we owe it all to Him! He continues to bless us and I will never forget what he brought us out of. When you are at your lowest point in life it becomes your greatest testimony. Thank you Jesus for ALWAYS being there and for keeping your hand of protection on us even when I couldn't see it.

By; Shauna Mansinho

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