The New Me
Hello my name is Tonika and I'm a 34 year old mother of five beautiful children ages 1 to 14 and a wife
of 7 years to my husband. I'm a graduate student studying for my certification in early childhood
education. My husband and I have been foster parents for the last 10 years we are currently working on
our new certification for foster care/adoption we are strongly considering adoption. Because very child
deserves a home even though I'm struggling right now and I don’t have a huge glamorous home I'm not
living the glamorous life I still have a heart to want to give back. I want to offer a child a stable loving
place that they feel comfortable enough to call home. My husband and I also are involved in our
community through sports and mentorship for at risk youth. We enjoy helping others and giving back we
also enjoy going to church and having family outings. About 2 almost 3 years ago things started to
change for the worst for us. In February of 2013 we closed on our house by March I lost my job and that
seemed to be the beginning of our turn of events. My husband was working as an assistant manager at
that time, around July that same year I got a job working over night as a residential counselor. After a
while my body could not adjust to working overnight I would be up throughout the day with my kids
tried to sleep around 8pm get up by 10pm so that I can be at work around 12am. After a few car
accident scares meaning I started following asleep behind the wheel onetime I almost went head on in
front of a big Fed Ex truck if I did not open my eyes when I did that was God all the way. I decided to
work that part time instead while I looked for another job they never called me to come in as a part-
time on call was the title. Needless to say I found a substitute teaching position after three months of
having no work. Meanwhile the bills are still coming no matter what’s going on, in January the following
year I found out by surprise that I was expecting my 5th child I had a lot of mixed feelings of joy and
sadness because I felt that the timing was bad. But I recognized my blessing children are blessings from
god I just wanted more confidence that I can take care of her. By March my husband decided to pursue
his dreams as an insurance agent, again I had a lot of mixed feeling because I was very happy for him
that he was taking that step to do something that I knew he would love doing helping people. At the
same time I nervous because it is commission base. I finished working as a sub teacher part-time when I
was able to take on assignments for the remainder of that school year. We did not have any one to
watch our 2 year old son and we could not afford full time day care. By June everything went south I'm
out of a job again looking for a job in my third trimester was not easy no one wants to hire me because
of my condition, my husband was still struggling to find his way with his new company no income was
coming in the home we had more bills than income, they stared getting behind. August I got a job at 8
months pregnant and that was a blessing we was already behind with the bills the mortgage, car note,
credit cards, house bills, in September I gave birth to our daughter I did not have everything I needed for
her I got what I could for her we did our best. By this time my husband's car broke down and the repair
bill was not worth putting into the car now we are down to one car with a large family. I was on
maternity leave until the first week of November I was only able to take 6 weeks off because it was a
new job but I hated leaving my new baby behind so young. Because of all the setbacks we were and still
are facing financial hardship he stayed home with our new baby. Those 6 weeks were very hard I did
not have any income and he was not bringing in any income. Everything was stressful and overwhelming
my oldest son won 2 tickets for an amusement park for having good behavior at the church camp it was
free and I did not have the money to take him because I couldn't afford to buy the other tickets for my
other kids. That was very hurtful to me because he was rewarded for having good behavior and he did
not get to enjoy his reward, or when the new school year comes and you don't have the money to buy
your children new clothes, shoes, or book bags and I'm not materialistic at all but they needed it. I'll go
without all the time but I want to make sure they do not; they got teased about it that hurt me as their
mother, because I felt helpless to them. There were times when I would go to the gas station and use
my card at the pump and it would decline and I would try again decline I would even go inside the store
to pay and it would come back nonsufficient
Funds. I had no money for gas to go to work I called my husband crying I did not know what else to do I
started questioning everything, my faith, my life, my marriage, I felt so lost. The first half of this year
2015 was spent playing catch up with all the bills and the sad part is that I never caught up in March we
bought a used van by June it needed a transmission it also needs tires, brakes, rotors, front brakes, now
the total repair on that is 5,000 when it rains it pours. In June I also suffered a terrible back injury that
had me out of work again for several weeks. I'm trying to hold myself together I signed up for a fund me
account because I need some support financially to get my life back in order I feel like I will two steps
forward and take four steps backwards. I'm doing this for my family I know there are a lot of people that
would judge me for doing this but I cannot let that bother me everyone has an opinion no one is perfect.
Hopefully I can reach out to someone who can relate to what I'm going through and is willing to help
out. I would greatly appreciate any support I can receive it will be a true blessing to me. If not I hope
that anyone reading my story will be encourages to never give up. I have five reasons why I have to stay
in this fight until the end God bless.
By: Tonika