My God is so good to me. Looking back at my life I remember many nights, I would cry myself to sleep because of the way my life was going, my surroundings, my ex-husband and so forth. Words can’t even explain the feelings I had inside. I was beaten day in and day out. This lead to other stuff such as durgs, drinking etc.. anything to knob the pain. somtimes I even thought of taking my own life. His drug habit lead us to homlessnes, dangerous living conditions, and becoming best friends with the bail bonds man. My kids were so hurt and scared.
But Jesus found me broken and damaged he took me as I was. I submitted my everything to God. The way my life is going now, is what I’d daydream about back then. I’ve been born again, surrounded by family new and old. I’m pursuing my calling. My children are oh so blessed. As I write this I can’t help but to let the tears flow.I praise God for all he’s done in and through me, for choosing and using me.
My sleepless nights are now because of homework or thoughts of how great my God is to me; no longer up crying because of the beating my ex-husband just gave me.
No more drugs and drinking to knob the pain. Or thoughts of suicide. I love this person God is forming.
I enjoy take my children out to the park or just spending time with them; no longer listing to that voice in the background telling me there’s no time for that.
We sit in my room watch a movie as they share their ideas with me; no more kids stay on your side of the house.
I can hop in my car and drive to and from as I please; no more waiting for him to take me when he felt like it, because I was forbidden to drive.
I can see my family as I please; no more dead promises of visits them year after year.
Most importantly I attend the house of God as I should; no more crying, hoping and wishing for change to come or for a way out.
Everything I’ve prayed for God or thought could only happen in my dreams have come to pass. I’m free from all strongholds, drugs, violence, suicidal thoughts, hatred, low self-esteem, insecurities to the fullest by the blood of Jesus, now being used for his purpose. My God is so great. My dreams are conformed to his will because of his love, goodness and great mercy this once nobody is now somebody in Christ Jesus.
I was sexually violated, by my biological father, as a 3yr old child. God first began to work in my life through my mother, who protected me from his perversion. God also delivered me from the gruesome effects of being victimized at such a young age; the devil tried to get me while I was young, as he does many of us. But God!
God saved me from dishonoring behaviors and later God protected me and my children from a perverse marriage. I married a man, like my biologicl father.
God continues to work on me daily, giving me a mind that desires to be fully consecrated for His will. I love God, and am thankful for His grace and mercy He offers each and every one of us!
I have never wrote down in a journal or spoke to any size groups of people about my life testimonies that God has brought me through. But I am honored now to be able to share my recent experience about my daughter Brooklyn.
Her dad and I were very happy about her arrival and made sure I was doing all the things that I should do to make sure it was a healthy pregnancy.
At exactly 20 weeks my membranes ruptured and the doctors just kept shaking their heads and telling me how sorry they were. They had so many doctors come to talk to us about the outcome of my situation, but I still was overcome with disbelief about what was happening. She wasn't going to be able to survive without any fluid around her and if she did, her lungs wouldn't be developed enough to even be able to breathe. She needed the fluid in order for her lungs to even grow. I basically would be holding her inside me to die because her chance of survival was very minimal.
So I was sent home on bedrest with the expectation that I would probably go into labor and give birth to a child that wouldn't live. I stayed in bed except for my twice a week visits for the next four weeks until I was admitted into the hospital to stay. At exactly 24 weeks and 2 days at6:10am Brooklyn decided it was time to come into the world. I remember just calling Jesus the entire time of her delivery. I prayed to just be able to hear her cry to let me know that she would be ok and be able to breathe.
That day and every day leading up to it, God was in complete control. He had a plan other than my own about Brooklyn and He made it very clear it was about Him. Her days in the NICU were very hard to see her wired up and having a machine breathe for her but she wowed every doctor and nurse who had to take care of her. Including the doctor who told us she wouldn't survive! They couldn't see the outcome, but God even touched them because she overcame the impossible!
Even with Brooklyn's challenging health issues I still am reminded daily how good God is in spite of. He is in total control! She is here by His grace only and I am truly thankful.
Since I gave my life to Christ I feel great, everyhing I've prayed about and wanted to happen in my life with my family is happening. I still face hard times but I've been praying and I'm now trusting in God!
In 2009 I met the love of my life (or so I thought) and 2 months later we were married. Within our first week of marriage he had a knife up to my throat and threatened to kill me if I didn't stop crying. I never imagined that this one incident would be the beginning of daily physical, emotional and mental abuse and yet it was! Even when I became pregnant with our first child the abuse continued. The night before our son was born he physically abused me until well after 6am. I had gotten no sleep and had no energy to give birth. Once our son was born I was happy and relieved that he was Ok! Unfortunately having our son didn't fix or stop anything as I had imagined or hoped it would. Instead things only progressed and our son was forced to watch. It wasn't enough for him to lay his hands on me or to diminish me with his words but he also slept with multiple women and got one pregnant that I know of. When I became pregnant with our second, I miscarried because he threw my body into a wall and punched me in my stomach and then all over my body. A week and a half later I found out I was still pregnant, it would appear that I had miscarried our daughters twin. I lived my life in fear, secluded, humiliated, embarrassed and always doing all I could to cover up the bruises so no one would know what I was going through. It wasn't until one night while I was 26 weeks pregnant that he was sitting on my stomach with his hands around my throat while he was yelling "your lucky your pregnant because if you weren't I would kill you right now" he said/did this to me while our son watched and cried for me from his crib. I was able to get ahold of my phone and I called the cops. He was arrested and I was taken to the hospital in early labor. Thankfully the doctors and nurses were able to stop the contractions but i was 3cm dilated and I walked around like that until she was born at 37 weeks healthy. Now that news of the abuse was out within my family there was no way I could look them in the eye, I could no longer hide and lie to them and worst of all every time I looked at myself I cried. How had things gotten so bad. Couldn't I see that I deserved better? When our daughter was 5 months old I packed up out belongings as much as I could and I left with our two kids. I filed for divorce and I was granted full custody and he has no visitation. It was not an easy decision for me to come to, to file for divorce. I really struggled with it and I asked God to send me a confirmation that I was doing the right thing and that night my best friend texted me that she had been sleeping with my then husband for the entire time that we were married. So not only had I lost my husband, my dream but now I lost my best friend too when I needed her the most. As if I wasn't going through an already BIG change as a single mother of two children; I learned at 4 months along that I was pregnant with our third child (our divorce wasn't finalized yet) I cried for weeks and wondered how in the world I was going to raise 3 children on my own. In case you haven't figured it out yet; I was raped multiple times by my husband and none of my pregnancies were planned. With each pregnancy he accused me of cheating! Not once did I ever although he gave me every reason in the book to. There were a lot of nights after the abuse that I would sit in a corner and quietly sing "I need you Jesus to come to my rescue tell me where else can I go?" I honestly believed that God just didn't care because no matter how hard I prayed or sang my heart out nothing changed! It wasn't until my divorce was finalized in 2012 and our son was born that I realized HE did care. We were safe and we were alive and healthy. We survived!! Through all those dark hours in my life God still blessed me with 3 beautiful and healthy children. I thank him everyday for ALL he has done for us. He NEVER left us. Three years later a single mother of 3 and my confidence is back, I am strong, we are all healthy and happy, delivered and we owe it all to Him! He continues to bless us and I will never forget what he brought us out of. When you are at your lowest point in life it becomes your greatest testimony. Thank you Jesus for ALWAYS being there and for keeping your hand of protection on us even when I couldn't see it.
My Heavenly Father I am a sinner and I'm not very strong in waiting for you but I know that your my Savior and You tell me to wait, just wait I have been waiting for you. It has been so long for me to hear your voice then I remembered that you were the only one who saved me my problems are for you because I can't do this on my own. I have seen my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ give me the opportunity now and wait for my God is good when I can't see clearly he's there for me I am still waiting but the good news is my God is working on my situation and he is telling me just wait I now can see what he's doing for me. God said Pray for the people who hate you and have done you wrong keep praying. I am with you that for me it was very hard so I ask God to bless my heart so I didn't feel angry at those who have hurt me and now I can Pray with a good heart thank you my Father Amen
I was born and raised in apostolic truth. I was baptized and filled with the Holy Ghost at 10 years old. My father is a preacher and my grandmother a minister, so for me there was no escaping God. He's had his hand on me since I was born. Although I was "in church", my heart wasn't really in it. I didn't have a real relationship with God for myself as of yet.
At the age of 20 I joined the United States Army against the decision of my dad. It was in the Army that I met my previous husband. It was love at first sight, but little did I know that he would lead me into the darkest moments of my life. After basic training, I went home to be with my family before heading off to my duty station. And while I was back home in St.LOUIS,MO at my church, I was prophesied to that the man I was engaged to was not meant to be my husband and that I should run from him. It was mind-blowing seeing as how no one including my family even knew I was dating, let alone engaged. But seeing as how I didn't have a real relationship with God like I should have, I ignored God's warning and married him anyways.
After returning from vacation I moved to North Carolina which was to be my first duty station. I was bringing a 1 year old daughter with me who I had previous to meeting my now ex-husband. So I ran off and got married and thought we would be one big happy family. Well I quickly found out that I was wrong. Within 30 days of us getting married, he became abusive physically as well as verbally and emotionally. There were several times where the police were called and he went to jail for a night before returning home.
I endured abuse from this man during almost all 7 years of our marriage. And the crazy thing is that he didn't drink or smoke! Now in all this time we ended up having two children with each other for a total of three children. ( 2 who were his by birth)
Then came the worst day of my life.... May 1st, 2013 at around 11 am I walked into my oldest daughters room and caught him in the the act of molesting my 6 year old daughter at the time. Our other two kids were in the room while this was happening so Lord only knows how many times this had happened before and what all they had seen. The other two children were 2 and 3 years old.
He fought me when I walked in on him and I now had to fight not only for my safety but the safety of my children. I left my husband that day and never returned to that apartment. Me and my children left with nothing but the clothes on our backs. We had no money, birth certificates or ID. We were forced to become homeless because we were living in Houston , Tx at that time which is where all his family is from, but I had no family in Houston.
It took the police a year and 6 months before they ever arrested him and once sentenced, they only gave him 9 years of probation. They did however require that he register as a sex offender for the rest of his life.
After going form shelter to shelter and house to house, I moved to phoenix, Az 6 months after the event and found myself doing drugs that I never thought I would do. I became a Meth Addict.... Before all this, you couldn't of payed me to do drugs. So to this day I'm still surprised by my actions.
I was hurt, how could this have happened? And why? was it all because of one little "I do"? I was so broken and it wasn't until I stopped blaming God and myself that God began to heal me. He told me to move to Pittsburgh and Lord knows I didn't want to go back there. My dad is from Pittsburgh and I had shamed my father enough.
But I will never regret the day I decided to leave and come back home to Pittsburgh. I am now in school, serving God like never before and I am re-married! I have the best husband I could of asked for. He was so patient with me, seeing as how I was so broken and it was so hard for me to trust a man around my children. I had failed my kids once and I just didn't want to make that same mistake again, but God is faithful and he has taught me how to love and trust again.
I'm stronger because of my trails and I know can share in the pain of those who share similar stories and allow them to know that if God got me thru this then He'll do the same for you!